D3 body, D1 cock
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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