Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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