I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
