she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize