I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
