Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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