Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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