I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
