dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
