A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
