i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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