We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
