I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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