Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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