I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
