Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
