he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
