I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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