i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
