The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
