I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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