Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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