I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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