i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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