I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
