so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
