I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
