You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
