If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
