if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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