So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
