The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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