and she was petting her beer can
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize