I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
