Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
