is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
