you guys were way drunker than both of me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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