nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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