Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
