I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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