so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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