Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
