you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
