i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
