She's JV to your varsity
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
being pregnant is like rehab
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize