The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
