Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
