He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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