If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
