I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
