Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Two words: blizzard sex
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize