covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
