dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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