As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
