grandma shit on top of the toilet
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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