Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
