You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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