Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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