Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
