i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
