I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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