Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
