dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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