Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
