it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
