I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
4 words: hood of his car
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
