When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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