i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
